Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
