the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
