when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
