Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
The air taste purple.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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