I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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