I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
