No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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