He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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