Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
