The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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