So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
