I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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