just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize