Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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