I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
