Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize