my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
