i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
NoShamevember. You game?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
