I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
