im drinking this country out of the recession.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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