In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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