you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
