I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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