have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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