Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
