I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
