no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
