Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
