dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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