it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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