HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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