If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
