i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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