She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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