I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
