you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize