We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize