I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
