i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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