420 ftw
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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