Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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