just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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