I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
