she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize