She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Randomize
