Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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