Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
