I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
No subtext here. People are naked.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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