Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize