Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
