Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
