Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
