we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
