piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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