Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
