really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize