Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You're a waste of cheezeits
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
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