what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
