Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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