you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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