They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
