my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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