operation harelip BJ is a go
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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