6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
