i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
