went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
