We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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