im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize