So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
